It’s not supposed to be this hard.

March 22, 2017

Recently my friend told me…

That she heard a woman say that she sees me on my laptop and phone all the time and how hard it must be for the kids to have a mum who works so much.

Defensively I reverted back to the fact that my children are well behaved and very loved and that’s all that anyone needs to know. Why am I constantly defending my rights to work?

While fathers are “putting food on the table” I am constantly criticised for my “choices” when the truth is… working is not a choice for me. Work is a break from what I consider the hardest job in the world, motherhood.

And it’s not supposed to be this hard.

I recently heard the statistic that mothers today are spending 65% more time with their children then they did 30 years ago.

Today we are expected to sleep with them, take them to swimming, school, volunteer at the school, teach them fucking French, read to them, let the baby lead the weaning, learn how to talk baby language…. Breast feed them until their 87, or stop straight away because we are creeps if we go beyond a year and on top of everything we are expected to be thin. Because you can totally see how a chubby mum certainly isn’t giving her kids the best opportunities in life.

And what makes it worse? All jokes aside… wine doesn’t help. Because anyone who’s ever had a hangover with kids knows the full meaning of FML. I work because I used to cry myself to sleep at the thought of being alone with my kids all for another whole day. I work because the expectations put on my work will never even come close to the expectations put on me as a stay at home mother. I work because I need financial freedom and not pocket money.

I work because I want my children to see me as a women who follows her dreams while meeting their needs. I work because we don’t live in a village anymore, we parent our kids alone and it’s bloody lonely.

And I was one of those children, born 30 years ago who’s mum spent 65% less time with and I turned out pretty fucking cool. I can’t speak French but I know how to live and I know how to love in parallel. And I work because I can love my kids more when I’m not overwhelmed by the consistency of living solely for them.

So if you see me at the park, on my laptop, writing or taking a call please come and say hi, create a village with me, laugh with me, meet my kids. Show me how you make not working work for you. But please don’t talk about me or my choices, because you’ll never hear me doing that to you.

And we are seriously all in this together, just Queening away, trying to get by. 


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Constance Hall

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Constance Hall

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